How do you find solace when your days become overly taxing and world news gets you down? Is your refuge a bowl of ice cream, a glass of wine, soothing music, nature walks, a lover’s embrace or connection with the divine? Some kinds of refuge are more beneficial, less numbing and longer lasting than others. Some work when they alleviate daily stress and minor upsets but fail when more upsetting occurrences arrive. But all of them try to reach the same place of inner peace—a sense of having finally arrived home. For just a moment, there’s a relief from all the struggles. Ahh.
The Fundamental Elements
Connecting with the elements of earth, water, fire, and air are primal and powerful ways that keep you sane during difficult times. Sitting near a body of water, gazing at a fire, viewing nature’s beauty or staring at the sky and stars are wonderful ways to find refuge from life’s storms. One time on retreat, I took a walk among some beautiful pine trees. Breathing in the cool fresh air as I walked, I came upon a clearing and beheld a campfire surrounded by hushed white snow. I marveled at the convergence of all the primal elements in one scene. The image was so powerful that it has vividly stayed in my mind to this day. I think of the chant, “The earth, the water, the fire, the air, return, return, return, return.” Yes, returning to and connecting with these primordial elements brings you closer to your true nature, your real home.
Holding Environment
Psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott introduced the term “holding environment” to describe the surroundings of the first year of a baby’s life. It includes the womb, the mother’s arms, how the child is cared for, the crib, room, and what’s happening in the home. If the holding environment is good, the baby feels protected, understood, and loved. If not, the baby loses a sense of basic trust and becomes anxious and reactive.
In our desire to seek refuge, are we really searching for that early holding environment? We want to go back to that peaceful time when we felt totally cared for without any effort on our part. If your early family life was chaotic, you might need to go as far back as the womb experience or even to a place before incarnation to find that holding environment. Is our life journey an attempt to return to this original place from which we came?
Upgrading Your Wine
There’s a Sufi saying, “Life is a tavern and the key to life is upgrading your wine.” Although you might smile at this maxim, upgrading your wine—your place of refuge—is not an easy task. It cannot be gained through desire alone. You need to take intermediate steps before the upgrade becomes sufficiently stable. For example, even though you want your place of refuge to be a state of deep, peaceful meditation rather than a bowl of ice cream, you can’t get there until you’ve cleared many of your psychological issues and anxious thoughts that prevent you from reaching this state. Going to a therapist or engaging in more practices to quiet the mind may be important intermediary steps. Deep, quiet meditation may be your goal but you can’t deny your present reality. It’s important to accept where you are and grow from there. Some days, ice cream might be the only and easiest refuge.
The Three Jewels
Buddhists often begin their rituals, ceremonies, and individual daily practice with a vow to take refuge in the three jewels.
I take refuge in Buddha
I take refuge in the dharma (teachings)
I take refuge in the sangha (community of practitioners)
According to Buddhism, taking refuge means making a commitment to attain liberation by understanding and living the teachings, and by praying with and receiving support from a community of like-minded practitioners. In this way, a Buddhist seeks to attain a permanent state of refuge no matter what chaos presents itself at any given moment. I’m reminded of a phrase from an unpublished song written by a friend, Mark Klempner.
And the storms can come
And the wind can increase
Divine love isn’t bothered
Nothing disturbs its peace
To dwell continually in divine part of you that is forever peaceful is a worthy goal. In truth, all mystical paths are designed in different ways to help the seeker reach this undisturbed state of consciousness.
Upgrading Your Place of Refuge
- If possible, connect with the four elements more often. Sometimes it’s just a matter of pausing for a few seconds when you become aware of them surfacing in your everyday life. Examples are water washing your face, your feet touching the ground as you walk, or the flame in your fireplace or gas stove.
- Remember a time when you felt utter peace and a sense of coming home. Examples might be nursing at your mother’s breast as a baby or sinking into your lover’s arms. Each day concentrate on this feeling—not the event itself. Through repetition, you set up a strong pathway in your brain, which connects your present state of consciousness with this sublime feeling. This practice enables you to access this place of refuge more quickly and easily.
- Imagine falling back into clouds that magically support you. You may add a color, if you like. It’s a powerful image that helps you let go of all your upsets and ushers in a deep state of peace. Instead of clouds, imagine falling back into water, universal love, the cosmic all, or your sense of the divine. Again, with practice this feeling becomes stronger.
- Repeat the words of Hazrat Inayat Khan, “Let me feel thine arms around me, my Beloved, while I’m wandering away from home.” The mantra helps you feel protected and loved.
If you you faithfully perform these or other quieting practices each day, you’ll find your upsets or struggles resolve more quickly, making it easier to once again find that beautiful sense of coming home.
